I’m mad at myself because I’m running out of reasons to miss you.
I hope that I loved you enough.
I hope that the times a smile painted my face when I think of you and the tears I’ve shed for you were enough to express just how much I loved you. I hope that the notes and photos I kept are enough reminder that once upon a time we shared a happy ever after. I hope that all those sleepless nights and unanswered letters will remind you that you were never someone I could easily let go. I hope that all these years I chose to spend my time saying goodbye to you were enough to let you know that it was great, and I could’ve lived on those forever..
but I won’t. Please don’t think I’ve abandoned you somehow, I just have to be brave enough to admit to myself that it’s over. Really over. It’s been over for awhile now. It’s my turn to accept defeat, that I cannot love you as much as I wanted to. I’m sorry that I couldn’t live with my promise to patiently wait til you come home to me. The truth is that I’m not waiting for you any longer, I’ve been waiting for someone else.
So please, if this is my last letter to you, forgive me.
Forgive me because I never thought I’d be ready to offer my love again, but not to you. Forgive me because when I look at someone else, I stopped looking for pieces of you. Forgive me because I only think of you when I wanted to feel something and then found nothing there.
Forgive me for this is where I leave you, in these trapped words, dry eyes and with this silent lips. I hope this is enough. I hope my love was enough.